Tuesday, May 31, 2016

All g

Often I reply to people in texts or emails with 'Goodo' or 'No probs'. The other day I came across a new expression of OKness. 'All g' which I took to mean 'all good'.
Interesting that. When so much is not all good.
Made me think of one of my favourite heroes of the faith. Have I spoken of her before? Julian of Norwich.

Julian of Norwich (c. 8 November 1342 – c. 1416) was an English anchoress and an important Christian mystic and theologian. Her Revelations of Divine Love, written around 1395, is the first book in the English language known to have been written by a woman. Julian was also known as a spiritual authority within her community where she also served as a counsellor and advisor.[1]
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Julian_of_Norwich

Maybe I also like her because one of depictions shows her with a cat.



Her Feast day is in May so I was reminded of her recently and one of the sayings attributed to her.
"All shall be well, and all shall be well, and all manner of things shall be well."

So things must have been pretty good for her...  
But wait a minute. This is what is said of her:

'Julian was known as a spiritual counsellor. People would come to her cell in Norwich  to seek advice. Considering that, at the time, the citizens of Norwich suffered from plague and poverty, as well as a famine, she must have counselled a lot of people in pain. Yet, her writings are suffused with hope and trust in God's goodness.'

I keep coming back to this again and again. How can you say that all will be well in a time of great pain and suffering. Was it easier for her? Hardly likely. Has suffering changed? No. So the only way to be able to say that all will be well is the same as for Julian - to trust in the goodness of God. 





Sunday, May 29, 2016

Passed

When people die it used to be said they passed away - sort of like repeat and fade at the end of a song, disappearing gently out of sight.
Then it became passed on. On to what? Like a bus going on to the next stop?
Or even passed over - over what and to where? The river of death? Or is it like the poem in my beloved Anne of Green Gables stories quoted when Matthew died. (Correct me if I'm wrong ; it's been a long time since I read them.)

Tennyson's Crossing the Bar

Sunset and evening star, 
      And one clear call for me! 
And may there be no moaning of the bar, 
      When I put out to sea, 

   But such a tide as moving seems asleep, 
      Too full for sound and foam, 
When that which drew from out the boundless deep 
      Turns again home. 

   Twilight and evening bell, 
      And after that the dark! 
And may there be no sadness of farewell, 
      When I embark; 

   For tho' from out our bourne of Time and Place 
      The flood may bear me far, 
I hope to see my Pilot face to face 
      When I have crost the bar. 


How do we talk about death? What does it mean? The other day I spoke with a young woman about her fear of death. Will it come too soon? Is it the end? Is it like moving from one home to another or like going to bed in your parents' bed and waking up in the morning in your own?Now it seems in talking about death people are simply using the term passing. No on or over or away. They'll talk about the day Dad passed or mention that someone passed recenlty. To me 'passed' sounds like what you try to do for exams or 'I passed my driving test'. But wait a minute, that phrase rings a bell.
"Truly, truly, I say to you, whoever hears my word and believes him who sent me has eternal life. He does not come into judgment, but has passed from death to life." Ah, passed - from, and to. That works for me...



Thursday, May 26, 2016

How much is enough?

Dad died at the age of 65. I am now 66. Mum was 95 when she died. It is now 6 years since dear friend Pam died at the age of 60. It was way too soon.

The other day a friend brought us some mushrooms he'd picked. They looked a bit dodgy but I cooked them up and ate them saying to the family, "It's been nice knowing you." They look at me wryly when I say things like that...
So how much is enough? I have grieved over the early death of family and friends, wishing they had had more time with us. On the other hand Mum was more than ready at 95. She was weary and would say, " I ask the Lord every night to take me home," to which I would reply, "But I like having you around." I knew I would never be ready for life without her.
My father- in-law was profoundly deaf and quite frail before his death and sorely missed his partner of nearly 70 years. He expressed disappointment on a number of occasions when in the night he thought he was going to die but then woke up the next morning, instead of 'waking up dead.'
So when is it time and how much is enough? "She's had a good innings," people will say or, "At least he didn't suffer." Who decides these things? Is every day a bonus?
There are dark days when I think I've had enough and would gladly be done with life, and other days when life is glorious, full of rich and wonderful things.
Other times - like the mushroom eating day - I am grateful for all I've had and give thanks for life in its fullness, and, thinking of Pam whose life ended too soon, see each new day as a gift. May it be so for you, dear reader.

Monday, May 23, 2016

Don't stop...

Hugh Mackay, in his talk commenting on current trends in Australian society, pointed out what many of us are aware of - the fact that we are often isolated from one another and don't even know our neighbours, a fact that many of us are wistful about.
In the chat after the session I mentioned that it may be different in country areas and that I certainly chat to people in the street. In fact if I say g'day and get no response I usually mutter, 'Must be from the city.'
I've also wondered if it's a cultural thing, When I spent time living in the city I was determined to keep up my 'country culture' and at least make eye contact and smile at those I saw. I used to walk the same route and saw the same people. One Chinese couple always evaded my gaze and never once did I connect with them.
[High School students were reluctant responders too but one noticeable exception gave me a huge smile and has been married to my daughter for 13 years now, but that's another story.]
In a previous blog I mentioned how when on holidays I chat to people everywhere and find delight in those connections rather than in the scenery or travel itself. I have wondered whether it embarrasses my family 'Mum talks to everyone. Blah, blah..' And I read the statistic that said the number of Americans who welcome incidental chat, eg in the lift or at the bus stop, is 0%.
In reply to my commnet Hugh Mackay simply said, 'Don't stop'. He himself is a chatterer and sees value in even small connections within our community. It put me in mind of the brief conversation with someone as I was leaving the Footy Club after dinner recently. I commented on her little grandchild who was wobblingly trying to stand up. We began to talk and she explained why the children and grandchildren were visiting - because her husband was very sick and likely to be incapacitated. I simply listened and muttered about it being hard and wished her well. No idea of her name or situation beyond what she said but for those few moments I believe there was genuine connection and care and maybe the world is a better place for it.

Friday, May 20, 2016

Communal table

In the after-talk discussion and dialogue with Hugh Mackay recently one of the incidental bits caught my attention. He had been talking about the aloneness possible in our current society and mentioned the coffee culture thing where people seek connection by being out to have coffee. I think it is still seen as a bit awkward dining alone but having coffee on your own seems OK and you're never alone if you have a phone. You can sit and drink coffee and peer into that small screen. (I just take a book. Or I could have a book on my phone...)
So what was it that caught my attention? Hugh Mackay mentioned that there is a move to putting in communal tables at cafes. So you can sit down and be joined by others and not sit in isolated splendour. I have wondered about this in relation to creating community. Should I sit at The Lakes having a latte and waiting to strike up conversation with anyone who comes by? Perhaps with a sign that says 'I'm good for a chat!!' Or how about the Colouring Group which takes over several tables to colour and drink coffee and chat. All are welcome. Or Sing Australia with its slogan of 'connecting Australians through singing' and it's policy of taking all comers whether they think they can sing or not.
Now where was I? Ah yes, the communal table. Reminds me of something. That's it. The Lord's table aka holy communion, the Lord's supper. All are invited. All are welcome. All are connected in love. Jesus was well ahead of his time...

Tuesday, May 17, 2016

The gift of listening

To continue my musings based on hearing Hugh Mackay speak: he said that one of the most significant social changes is the shrinking of the Australian household. That while our population has increased five fold the number of households has increased ten fold. This means less people (2.5) per household. There is a great growth of single person households.
He reckons there are two sorts of people. Those who live alone by by choice and love it, and those for whom it is an involuntary matter brought on by divorce or death, and they hate it. They feel lonely and can withdraw into isolation.
In talking about this Hugh highlighted that we need to be aware and caring. That people living alone do not need advice necessarily but that they definitely need someone to be there for them. And it is not just people living alone but for all people there is a deep need to be heard.
Listening is the greatest gift you can give to someone. That doesn't just mean hearing what they say but really listening with undivided and non judgmental attention. Not waiting for your turn to say something or to comment on what they said but to really hear and appreciate their story, and it may need to be heard more than once. Maybe all they need is an 'uh-huh' or a 'that must be tough' or 'tell  me more about that'.
In the recent course I did on Mindfulness I was intrigued with one section that talked about lovingkindness (mentioned in an earlier blog). What really blew my mind was the thought that if we brought lovingkindness to our interactions with others and really listened to what they said with the intent of understanding, then we could bring about world peace.
Phew, that really is something aspire to. Start small. Listen with your whole heart to someone today and the ripples will affect our community and our world.

Sunday, May 15, 2016

Facebook or not, that is the question

In Hugh Mackay's talk, although he didn't dwell on it, he suggested that the use of social media could be counterproductive and that we could end up with a lot of 'electronic friends' as opposed to ones to go out and have a cuppa with.
I was not the only one who wondered about this. Another audience member  muttered in my ear about it. It just so happens that she and I have links from way back but really only connect because we are part of communities on Facebook.
When we lived in Adelaide I was part of a largish church and knew Heather as part of a music team I was in. Twelve years later I know her much better now, although the only way we 'meet' is on Facebook. She often poses thought provoking ideas and ponders questions about faith and life. When I did see her the other day we clasped each other in a big hug because we had grown to know each other through sharing in that way over the last 6 years.
Sarah was part of the youth group 12 years ago. Via electronic means I have followed her exploration of her place in ministry and been amazed by her innovative approach to church, her prolific writing and then her move to Scotland for PhD studies. I have felt close and involved although not physically present.
Then there's Damian. At one stage we were both writing book reviews for New Times magazine and became friends on Facebook. I've followed his moves, know  of his support for Beyond Blue and his inexplicable love for footy. But I have only met him once and that was last year.
Perhaps the funniest thing was 'meeting' David - a chaplain at the aged care place where my parents in law spent their last years. He and I became friends on FB and I know he canoes and rides his bike and plays the uke and some other parts of his life. It was only in the evening when I was browsing on FB that I found he had been in the Hugh Mackay audience as well and I missed out on meeting him in real life.
The day after the session  we visited a different church in Adelaide. Nametags helped identify people and there was Brett - his name looking so familiar. Yep we've commented on each other's comments on Heather's FB. It was so good to talk to him. Felt like we'd know each other for some time.
And last but certainly not least.
Over many years (more than 15) I corresponded with Yvonne;  we met as she was family of friends of ours. She lived in Tassie and we wrote emails back and forth two or three time a week until her health declined in recent years. We shared life and family matters and fears and doubts. Heck, even our cats shared the same name and sometimes wrote to each other. I saw her only a handful of times in those years but she was one of my closest friends before her death earlier this year. I miss her dearly.
My life has been enriched by being able to communicate via electronic means with a variety of people. So I'm happy to see there may be problems but I love being able to be part of the lives of others in this way.

Friday, May 13, 2016

Moving or staying

Part of the recent talk by Hugh Mackay (Yes, I'm still mulling over it all) was to consider the factors that affect fragmentation in society. One of these was the fact that people are more mobile, not just in the way they are able to get about in cars etc. The statistic was that people move house on an average every 6 years.
I have sometimes pondered this. I have lived in 6 different locations in my life so far which means I haven't quite kept my end in that average. And I have read of many of my peers who moved every few years as their fathers were bank  managers or teachers or some other profession where the expectation was to keep moving.
We stayed in one place 16 years which was enough to be the growing up place for our children but we were not locals despite some family history in that area.
So I have wistfully looked at those who have lived in the same area all their lives and know all the connections and have seen each other's kids grow up and all that. We moved to our current location 12 years ago with no children to give us an entree to the community via school or sport. Thank goodness for the church where we immediately felt at home. But many of our even closest church friends would not be able to tell you the names of our children let alone the grandchildren. We line them all up and take a photo every year at Christmas and put it on the wall in the kitchen so we can show people. 'This is our tribe.' But it's not the same as having had them grow up in the community where we live. And I rather envy our friends whose children come home to visit  not just their parents but other friends on significant occasions. For our family it is not home at all.
On the other hand I value the different places we have lived and the input there has been from a variety of people and experiences. I've even caught myself wondering whether it's time to move on. This time we wouldn't even have work as an entree into a new setting. Too old for active sports. Perhaps I could get a little dog and take it to a dog walking park. (See previous blog.)

Wednesday, May 11, 2016

Fur Babies

Have you noticed it? The proliferation of pet paraphernalia in the junk mail. Little cute outfits for all occasions - not just for keeping the pet warm. (Isn't that why dogs have fur/ hair or whatever?)
At this point I must declare my complete bias in favour of cats which would never put up with all that nonsense although we had a particularly placid tom cat which let our little daughter dress him up. (Even in writing that sentence and using the pronoun 'which' I am aware that mostly animals are now referred to using the word 'who'.)
You can even get little prams for pets now in case the little darlings can't make it all the way on their walkies. And steps so they can get up onto the bed more easily and...
According to an bit in The Advertiser Australians spend ??? on pets and are now using apps to keep an eye on them while they are not home.
I don't think he or anyone else would deny the value of pets as part of a family or as a companion or in support roles; evidence and anecdotes abound in this area.
But Hugh Mackay in his role as social observer and commentator pointed out that the birth rate has declined in the last 25 years so that it is now less than 1.8 per woman. In the past children have been the social lubricant  through schools and sporting and other activities but now they are in shorter supply and so there is some compensation by way of pet ownership. Fur Babies. And that the dog walking park is now a place for social interaction and meeting people. [Almost as an aside he commented that dogs are no longer called Spot or Fluffy but names like Ian and George. ]

Now folks, before you start throwing rocks,neither Hugh nor I are making judgments about this. Just sayin'....

Tuesday, May 10, 2016

Happiness is a must

In his talk the other day Hugh Mackay spoke of the 'happiness' industry that seduces us with the idea of happiness as a right and the default position for adults. We try for it using food, drugs, alcohol and legal and illegal drugs. Or we may seek it through such means as mindfulness, meditation and yoga.
I recently completed a 6 week online Mindfulness course from Monash University.
 There was quite a lot about loving-kindness toward yourself and others (and maybe more of this later) but I did query the bit where you should send kind thoughts to others including that they be happy. I wondered whether this was what was the  best thing to wish for people. Health, happiness, peace? Or wholeness or??? Maybe it's natural to wish happiness for those we love but it's obvious there will also be pain. How do we deal with this? Should we wish for ourselves and others the resilience to cope, and the deep peace that comes even in the face of huge challenges? A peace that defies all comprehension and comes from drawing on the strength of the divine beyond ourselves.
I also struggle with the theology that suggests that if you are properly following the Christian Way then you will be prosperous and happy. And I find it a bit  (well a lo,t actually) off putting when people are always on top of the world. Are they real? Am I a failure because I have down days?
I was heartened that Hugh Mackay suggested that as humans we have a full spectrum of emotions with which to respond. And all are valid.We can only experience happiness because we experience the other emotions. And that we grow through sadness and pain and loss. Mind you I've always maintained that I don't want to learn and grow if it involves pain and suffering, but there really doesn't seem to be much choice if we are honest about how we feel.
Hugh suggests we are being pushed to aim for  being rich and happy rather than  kind and compassionate. And Jesus had stuff to say about that too.

Saturday, May 7, 2016

Me-centrism

Warning! I went to 'A Conversation with Hugh Mackay' this afternoon and scribbled notes through it all. I usually do that to keep me awake but this time it was because I wanted to remember so much of what he saiyd. And now I want to talk about it. So be warned. And there is more to come.

One of Hugh's first assertions was that we have been talked into believing that people are inherently selfish. He reckons that deep in our DNA is the desire to be part of community and that scientists have now discovered a cooperative centre in the brain. That it is our community that defines, nurtures and protects us. Competitiveness is a learned thing. [Just look at year 1 kids at Sports Day as they wait for each other and stop to run together and so on.] (My comment.)
Hugh says there are two things at work in the propaganda leading to 'Me-centrism'
1. The consumer market that tells us we deserve to have all that stuff and if it doesn't make us happy then we probably just need to go out and get more stuff. It's all about me and my personal satisfaction.
2. The 'happiness' industry that promotes happiness as the natural state. This denies the full spectrum of emotions that are part of life and growing. Again it's all about me.

Reminds me of our previous minister, Carol. Many of us still remember her saying, 'It's not about me; it's all about Jesus.' Hugh wasn't coming from an overtly Christian position even though his audience were mostly Uniting Church people, but still commented quite clearly on our current 'me-centrism' which would struggle with the call of Jesus to deny oneself, take up the cross and follow him.

Disclaimer: This is my take on what Hugh Mackay said so apologies if I've got it wrong. His new book is 'Beyond Belief' and you can check our his work there.

Friday, May 6, 2016

Gents - yes ; Mens - no

When you gotta go, you gotta go so you look around and there they are. Thankfully the public loos loom in to sight. Properly marked to herd great queues of women one way and the short queues for men the other.
So what is it that really gets me going? Ladies and Gents. Yep. That's a description of who goes where. Or Ladies' and Gents' using the apostrophe to indicate who they belong to (well the council or the pub really but you know what I mean. Or Women and Men or Women's and Men's (are you following me?)
BUT THERE IS NO SUCH WORD AS MENS IN THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE - at least not yet.
One man, two men. Plural. Right? So if you want to describe who goes in those toilets then it's MEN.
If you want to say that the toilet belongs to men as a group of users then it's MEN'S in response to asking who they belong to? Answer: Men. So whack in the apostrophe and add the 's'. Yep it's different because the plural is an exception and yes, English is nuts.
SO  maybe they should just stick to putting little pictures of someone in a skirt and someone in trousers and leave it at that. But hang on. I look down and I'm the one wearing the pants.

Wednesday, May 4, 2016

Old friends

On our short break holiday we were able to call in and visit old friends who live in the vicinity. Old friends?
I remember the phone call in December 1975. David was ringing to say a new staff member had arrived to look at the school ready for the following year and he had his wife and small daughter with him. Perhaps I'd like them to visit me. I was a stay at home Mum with a small boy just over a year old and had found it hard to adjust. To leaving my job as a teacher, being the 24 hour a day/7 day a week mother, and moving towns.
So I quickly replied that I'd be happy to meet her. Julie arrived on my door step with her blonde curly headed 2 year old daughter. The next year the family arrived in the town and life was no longer so lonely and hard. Julie and were part of the new play group, got together for coffee (at home since it was long before coffee places proliferated) and chatted while our children played. Our husbands were work colleagues for 20 years.
Times moved on, we each added more children to our families, went back to work and so on. We were the first to move away 20 years ago. Then they moved on retirement and so did we. But still the birthday and Christmas cards or phone calls kept us vaguely in touch and for our kids if I just talked about someone called Julie they knew exactly who I was talking about. The one and only Julie.
We've met up a few times over the last years but not kept in close touch. So today we all had coffee (still at home but with frothy coffee machine coffee) and talked and talked. About where those little children are now and about those children's children and about how it is to get older (and not realise it), the death of our parents and how it is to lose other friends to early death.
We even discussed some of our values and issues dear to our hearts and how heartwarming it was to find that they shared our attitudes. I was amazed that after all this time we were still on the same wave length. There is nothing like old friends. So grateful.

Tuesday, May 3, 2016

Food is happiness!

So says the little blackboard where we dined tonight. It also had a board telling us that they grew their own veges - pumpkin and silver beet and capsicums - just like we do, plus others. And that they source their food from as close by as possible. Nice food and nicely served, but I was certainly glad of the discount voucher that was part of our accommodation package.
Our 'news' is full of food. There are new cute products - nup I haven't got to chia and quinoa (although I know how it is pronounced) but have got used to couscous especially as our son bought a tonne of it on special.
Food is so specialised these days- free of this and that or with things added or subtracted or prepared in this way or that. Even pizza is better if the dough sits overnight, I was reading today. I can't even begin to detail all the variety of cuisines and all the things that are supposed to be good for you and all the expensive food experiences. ( I saw an ad for a $400 steak today.)
Now I love to eat - more than I need, probably. And there is nothing like food with friends and family or a the comfort of a favourite dish - or chocolate. But we have just signed up for the Ration Challenge in which we will live for a week on the rations a refugee exists on and we've previously done the 40 hour famine. Not really enjoyable but...
How is it that while half the world starves we are making food into an end in itself and think to find happiness that way.

Our bread was served on this chunk of wood. Not just any old bit of bread. The waiter reeled off a list of herbs and things it included and of course it was  'house made' and served with handcrafted salted butter. Hm!

Monday, May 2, 2016

On Holiday from Retirement

Who would have thought! Recently a friend made a comment about the need to take a holiday from retirement. Someone else had claimed that since I was retired every day was a holiday.
I actually enjoyed my last job and redundancy simply morphed into retirement. People had always said they didn't know how they found time to work before they retired and I thought that sounded silly. The reality is that people who have led busy lives are not like to suddenly just sit around doing nothing on the days they used to work. They will fill their time up with worthwhile activities or hobbies or travel.
Now I admit that I have read more books in the time since I stopped paid employment and I do start some days more slowly with a cuppa and reading in bed.
But I have also spent more time on new interests including conducting a singing group with lots of learning required. I have continued involvement in other community activities and spent  more time with family when needed or possible.
So, yes there is a need to have a break. Even a short one of just a few days. Time out from routine, time to see new things, time to slow down and just to be.


We watched the light fade as twinkly lights came on.