I visit my doctor roughly every 6 months for the routine stuff. So this time he worked through his list: results of blood test, liver function good, cholesterol still improving, sugar levels dodgy; checked BP and lungs, whacked in a flu shot ("because I knew you needed one"); organised scripts required and a referral and papers for the breast cancer checkup.
But in amongst all that he asked, "So how have you been?" I hesitated a little. Physically fine but a bit measly a while back over all this retirement stuff.
Then that question about purpose. So what is my purpose in life ("What's it all about, Alfie?") Sure I love having more time to read, am enjoying Sing Australia and learning to conduct. I like slow starts to the day and have projects and church and so on. But purpose. My mum ended her days saying she asked the Lord every night to take her home. At the age of 95 she was ready and had done enough.
So is it all about doing? I have been reading The Path of Celtic Prayer by Calvin Miller which I got from the library. In one chapter he lisst three things which struck me as giving meaning to life:
- to live to complete the dream I have for you, God
- to live until my season of worship is complete
- to live long enough to bear a saving work to those outside of your grace
In amongst the talk of what gives purpose I listed the things I do and heard myself saying how I'd intended to write (including blogging) more in my retirement, so her I am. Thinking out loud and realising that being is as important as doing. Who do I want to be? What do I want to do? What excites and energises and brings life?
So the longish consult ended. How grateful I am for my doctor who cares for me in such fullness.
And then when I went to the counter to settle up I discovered he'd bulk billed me. Thank you so much, dear doctor.
(I attempted to comment, and clicked the Preview button and my comment disappeared. Weird. So this is a second attempt. Hopefully I'm saying the same thing again.)
ReplyDeleteI think I'm in the same place, Mum. What is my purpose? If I'm not doing, who and what am I being? As a card-carrying introvert, it's unsettling to discover that my most profound joys come from meaningful connection with people I care about, and my deepest hurts from the absence or frustration of those attempts to connect. What does that mean for someone who, like me, largely works and often lives alone?
In the wake of Mother's Day, now that your role as my mother consists of more being and less doing, let me assure you how important that aspect of your purpose continues to be to me.
May you find a renewed sense of purpose in being and in doing - and yes, kudos to your dear doctor for caring so well.
I too am an introvert, but it doesn't mean that I don't treasure connections with people. Just that I need to withdraw and regroup. My own Mother struggled with the notion of no long being needed to do stuff. I would tell her I just liked having her being there and so it was even when her life was so reduced. And so i missed her this first Mother's Day without her. I am making a bit of a thing of asking people about purpose at present. I spoke to Bethany last night (in itself a joy) and she thought her purpose was to make the world a better place. I think we could agree with that. "Let there be peace on earth and let it begin with me."
Delete